falling up, standing down

Curiosity and fate have left me standing here in the tempest of my own mind.
Which way to burn is never evident but somehow this time it shimmers, fingertips reaching past the indigo fading fast.
I mustn't feel so strong without faith in my own abilities and sound strength in my heart but my breast aches with unrequited self destructive yearnings, scarred and jaded by past musings of things that never were real.
But sweet autumn light brings me back to the palace of my youth, mandarin in the dawn whirling with excitment and pain most lovely
and most wretched...
Citadels inside me never before breached are worn away by smooth lapping waves, stone so rough and weather wrought now becoming as silk to the touch, all for the benefit of carving a cradle to rest your weariness.
I can be like a feather in this world of broken glass and screaming idiots, tender and soft yet able to carry the wind so strong
Shocked to my core I see the almond shaped portals open in my direction, am I deserving of such beauty as those irises surrounded by golden shades of honey and chocolate so warm?
Fire beckons me smoke and flesh, heaven must burn like this.
I cant let go!
I have to hold onto myself so tight that no light can ever burn my skin or kill my heart.
A smile flickers across a seldom upturned bow. she hides it again knowing moments are all too fleeting in that smile, constant only are the dreams that stubbornly will..not..die!
Oh, how I have tried to kill them! with poisons and arrows, how I have barricaded them inside the deep parts of my soul!
..but the rock so silken and smooth cracks, and I see the shore rushing through to start that fire. flames burn for one who holds me like a paper doll with ember scented skin and fragile hands so trembling and wonderful, I sigh and die and release myself into fates' cruel care.
...and into almond shaped golden portals honey sweet and chocolate warm.